Things That Should Exist: The Wrist Phone

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Things That Should Exist is a column by James Trickey. Things suggested are not always good ideas.

I’m back after a while without doing anything and for that I am sorry. I just have been really struggling with ideas because some people already had to go and invent everything useful or cool because they had the idea first. But I am finally back with an idea that probably already exists thank to some annoying company, or it might not in which case this will be an amazing idea.

Now, as you can probably guess this invention right here is a phone, just like any smartphone or tablet that can be found in any phone shop in the country at the moment. But, as the title suggests, this is a phone that sits on your wrist the whole time. So I’m imagining a phone with straps just like a watch that allow the phone to sit comfortably on your wrist. With the help of Paint I will try and get my ideas across.

So as you can see there with the help of the OG iPhone as a tester it’s basically just a phone that you can wear like a watch and as I said already it might exist somewhere but to be honest it should still exist which is what this column is about.

But if not, then think of the advantages to this.

Firstly it will never fall out of your pocket because it’s on your wrist. I mean when was the last time your watch fell off without you noticing? Plus, this phone is going to be a lot more noticeable if it comes off your wrist due to the weight difference and the noise it will make when it hits the floor and dies.

Secondly it would also just be incredibly fun to play games on something that is attached to your wrist. It would be like you were a half-robot person with a screen in your wrist! and no the Fallout games stole this idea from me. But it’s still awesome.

So that’s about it for this week. I hope that you all try and actually invent one of these things and if they already do then make them better. I’ll see you next week with a brand new idea.

Hopefully.

KABLAM!!

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Things That Should Exist: The Instant Rap Battle Machine

Toshiba Apripoko
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Things That Should Exist is a column by James Trickey. Things suggested are not always good ideas.

I know it sounds incredibly similar to the Instant Insult Machine and I can tell you now that it is indeed. I have my reasons for this, the first being that I have been running low on ideas lately, but to be honest I’ve been struggling for ideas since day one. The second being that it is another thing that should exist and so ended up here on Digixav.

I want to explain to you lot that it is an “upgrade” of the previous machine that looked like some odd tortoise thing and will look exactly the same but with a few different features. If you really want, I can throw in some accessories for it like sunglasses and a pimp hat (or anything else from that Build-A-Bear place). This means you could have a pimp beatboxer! Here is an example that I made on Paint yet again and, if you didn’t know, the purple thing sticking out of his hat is a feather, like pimps have. If you don’t get it, nevermind. We really need to get Photoshop.

The Instant Rap Battle Machine will come with a preset beat that you and your challenger or challenged can rap along to. You could enter your rap names into the machine (mine’s MC Jtrick) and as the beat drops the robot shouts “Get ready (I can’t think of a good rap name so I’ll) Eminem! Lets hear you rap in 3..2…1!” and then everyone listens to the intense rap that has been spat. This will be repeated for the other guy (someone crap so we’ll go for) “Justin Bieber!” and he will sing some song which technically won’t be allowed because it’s not a rap but we won;t go into details. And just so you know, Eminem won that one.

It will also feature a sound detector thing so if there is an enormous crowd present (which there will be) it will take the volume of the “OOOooooo….R U GONNA TAKE THAT FAM?!?!”s (as in the plural, you understand, no?) and the rap with the loudest  “OOOooooo….R U GONNA TAKE THAT FAM?!?!”s wins.

This new version won’t do the insulting for you but rather enhance your insulting enjoyment, because I know that I could do with something that makes hurting people’s feelings more fun since it’s just a bit plain at the moment.

As with the previous model, you could download different voices for the machine and different beats off iTunes or whatever. I’m sorry for having no imagination with the photos but meh.

And so with another week gone I say goodbye, but I’ve run out of stereotypical comic book noises.

POW.

Header image from spinningpixels

Things That Should Exist: Propeller Shoes

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Things That Should Exist is a column by James Trickey. Things suggested are not always good ideas.

This week we move onto a completely different genre of object, that is if objects have genres, and by genre I mean type of object. You know, like on iTunes for example, clothing, toys and equipment can then be subdivided into sub-genres such as shoes, stationary and underwater equipment, providing a neat segue to the world of propeller shoes.

Let me make something clear. These are designed for underwater use only, which is why the underwater equipment brought me nicely to the topic, in case you hadn’t realised. I am not suggesting that there should be shoes that can allow you to fly because that would be preposterous (unlike all my other suggestions). These are for people who need to get places quick and have to travel via a large body of water.

This includes people who are trying to illegally trying to swim from some obscure Asian country over to England as they weren’t allowed to go by plane, and to be honest it would’ve made my job a whole lot easier because, in case you didn’t know, I am not supposed to be in this country right now.

You see, I was very tired after my long journey but this has would have made it a walk in the park as opposed to a swim across the ocean.

These shoes would of course be waterproof and, don’t ask me how, but they would be powered by some form of electricity. The shoes would have little propellers on the soles which, after being turned on, would propel you along the water at high speeds. It also means that, as human beings, we would be able to be even more lazy than we are now by removing another aspect of exercise and replacing it with technology.

To give you an idea of what these shoes would look like I have produced a picture in Paint for your benefit. Digixav can’t afford Photoshop.

And I know it’s crap but I just hope you can all appreciate that the white parts on the shoe are the propellers and they are helping him/her to swim along. If not then you can go and stand in a bin long enough that your legs get smelly and tired.

So that’s about it once again, and I hope that you can enjoy your lives every bit as much if not more after reading this than you did before.

HADOUKEN!!

Things That Should Exist: The Instant Insult Machine

Toshiba Apripoko
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Things That Should Exist is a column by James Trickey. Things suggested are not always good ideas.

Firstly, shut up. This idea may sound stupid but I can completely reassure you that it is in fact 100% pointless, unneeded, antisocial and probably stupid, but, since I said it first, you can take that and shove it somewhere where I’m not looking.

Secondly, this idea may or may not already exist but I don’t care.

And thirdly, here are some fire extinguishers for your own sick amusement.

Onto the subject for today which is, as you might have guessed, an incredible device that allows you to instantly insult your best friends at merely the touch of a button. I know – awesome. As I’ve  clearly stated in the paragraph beginning with ‘secondly’, this may already exist. but this is my own take and what I want my Instasult machine to do.

I’m certain you have (so certain you wouldn’t believe, in fact) that you have accidentally got yourself into an argument that you just can’t be bothered to fight for anymore. This is where the magic happens. Because you’re so damn bored of this person, you can whip out this small (or large) box/tortoise-shaped robot and, at the press of a button, have his mum called fat for some reason.

BAYM!! He feels sad and depressed and you’ve got that smug grin on your face because after the insult the whole crowd went “OOOooooo….R U GONNA TAKE THAT FAM?!?!” and in the end he cannot come up with anything to beat it. These insults would be downloaded at your own pleasure and I’m thinking that an app would be able to send new insult to the machine via your mobile device or such like.

Also, think of the advertising potential. I won’t go into detail, but you can imagine some happy clappy man presenting a machine that AUTOMATICALLY INSULTS YOUR FRIENDS. Sorry for the caps lock, but I just wanted my point to get across one last time.

And, once again, I bid you farewell for another week as I leave to go and do something better, more constructive and that might actually give me some sort of pleasure in my life.

Insert sound from typical comic book here.

Header image from spinningpixels

Things That Should Exist: Self-Ruling Rulers

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I’m back, and although I’m not exactly sure how many people actually care about this, I’m gonna say it anyway to pretend I have people who enjoy reading my posts. So yeah, I’m sorry for missing last week, but I really couldn’t be bothered. There. That is my excuse. If you don’t like it, then I apologise for my inappropriate and unreasonable reason.

Anyway, back to what this is really about – things that should exist – and this week we have the brilliant idea of self-ruling rulers. This comes from a wide range of people but the main source I have is myself. This idea came about because I’m sick and tired of misreading measurements and drawing incorrect lines. Also, if I happen to be working with someone else on a project, then this will save me always getting the blame for something either so minor or something that if not correct could end up in DIY disaster.

This ruler would be a lot thinner than a regular 30cm/12″ ruler, and have a small LCD screen. This would have a little sensor on the bottom that can detect lines drawn in either pen or pencil. A little message would appear on the screen telling you the length or thickness of the line or something along those lines. Of course you will be able to change what measurement appears, from such units as centimetres, metres, inches and even miles for the idiots. You could also have a premium model that comes with a little touch display, allowing you to punch in a measurement and a laser would pop out of the side showing you exactly what to draw.This would solve the petty little arguments that you have with your friend on whether it actually is a 9.2cm line and not a 9.25cm line.

This could obviously work along with tape measures, as they come out at a certain length and have a small reading given on the handle. It would prevent getting a wrong reading and then not being able to fit that sofa through the door and having to end up leaving it in the wrong room.

Don’t pretend you don’t think that this is a good idea though because, for once, this is actually something that could be useful in the future. Now feel free to do anything you like, so long as it isn’t world-changing or affects me. Have fun and be prepared for next week, where I will return.

Unless I don’t.

Boom.

Things That Should Exist: Bins that aren’t rubbish

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Another week means another thing that should exist and this week we move onto the big topic of bins, and how improving them in certain ways could make no change in our lives whatsoever apart from the occasional moment of joy or entertainment at the expense of you putting an unwanted item in a bin.

We start with the obvious talking bin. I’ve heard that some talking bins already exist but I’m talking about a bin that powers itself either with solar power or recycling the items that the person places into the bin, such as biodegrading an apple. Yes, this is not something either productive or useful, but a bin that will pleasantly tell you a joke or give you a “fun fact” will send you merrily on your way for the rest of the day. As well as having them talk to you, they could look like some of your favourite cartoon characters such as SpongeBob SquarePants or your everyday talking dog.

Bins

As well as having bins talk to you every time you throw something away, another pretty pointless feature that could be adapted to bins is the option to spray the user in the face with some sort of water or energy drink. That way, every time you recycle or help the environment by throwing something away, you get a lovely refreshing spray of nice cold water to drink or wash your face with.

Lucozade Revive

And think of the advertising potential!

To be honest, that is all I can think of for the huge amounts of fun you can have with bins, but if any of you people can think of anything else, let myself or someone important know.

Kapow.

Things That Should Exist: Electric slippers

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This week I want to talk about something that I do in fact hold very close to my heart: my slippers.

Overall. and slightly off topic I admit, I have to say that slippers are completely underrated. They come in all different shapes and sizes ranging from small ones to big ones. I know – fantastic idea. There are also so many different designs. You could, for example, go for a pair that looks like a furry little animal or just a simple plain blue pair. Or, if you’re really cool, go for a pair that look like feet.

Foot Slippers

Now – back on to my main point about what should exist somewhere in the whole wide world. Warm-up slippers are my first idea for these wonderful devices. I’ve seen things like this but I’m not talking about slippers that you can put in the microwave to heat up before you wear them. I’m talking about slippers that you can actually switch on with a small electrical heater somewhere in the shoe.

I feel that I could greatly benefit from this as I tend not to wear socks at home so, when my feet are getting a bit chilly, I could simply slip on a pair of electric slippers! Of course you’d have to sort out the safety features, and make sure they don’t set on fire, but otherwise I feel this could be a great invention.

My next idea is for the people who normally clean up after themselves and have to do some sort of housework every now and again. The idea is that you can magnetise the soles of the slippers, using some sort of magical thing that I don’t really understand, so that, as you walk around the house, in your bedroom, on your carpet or wherever, your slippers pick up any stray dust around the house.

This would save you using a vacuum so often and it would be operated by a switch so that you can get rid of all the dust on your slipper and also so you can choose when to have it on or not. Also, I feel it would generally be very entertaining to see what you would be able to pick up, such as a pin or something.

A brilliant idea that came from someone very close to me. They suggested a pair of vibrating or massaging slippers. These would be perfect for those people who just can’t get enough massaging. I don’t know how they would work, but I can just imagine lying down on a sofa or my bed watching something or playing on my Xbox/PS3 whilst my slippers rub my feet for just the expense of some batteries (assuming they’re battery-powered).

That’s about it for this week and I hope you all go out now and actually value how brilliant your slippers could be, if you own a pair and sometimes bother to wear them.