Things That Should Exist: Propeller Shoes

Things That Should Exist is a column by James Trickey. Things suggested are not always good ideas.

This week we move onto a completely different genre of object, that is if objects have genres, and by genre I mean type of object. You know, like on iTunes for example, clothing, toys and equipment can then be subdivided into sub-genres such as shoes, stationary and underwater equipment, providing a neat segue to the world of propeller shoes.

Let me make something clear. These are designed for underwater use only, which is why the underwater equipment brought me nicely to the topic, in case you hadn’t realised. I am not suggesting that there should be shoes that can allow you to fly because that would be preposterous (unlike all my other suggestions). These are for people who need to get places quick and have to travel via a large body of water.

This includes people who are trying to illegally trying to swim from some obscure Asian country over to England as they weren’t allowed to go by plane, and to be honest it would’ve made my job a whole lot easier because, in case you didn’t know, I am not supposed to be in this country right now.

You see, I was very tired after my long journey but this has would have made it a walk in the park as opposed to a swim across the ocean.

These shoes would of course be waterproof and, don’t ask me how, but they would be powered by some form of electricity. The shoes would have little propellers on the soles which, after being turned on, would propel you along the water at high speeds. It also means that, as human beings, we would be able to be even more lazy than we are now by removing another aspect of exercise and replacing it with technology.

To give you an idea of what these shoes would look like I have produced a picture in Paint for your benefit. Digixav can’t afford Photoshop.

And I know it’s crap but I just hope you can all appreciate that the white parts on the shoe are the propellers and they are helping him/her to swim along. If not then you can go and stand in a bin long enough that your legs get smelly and tired.

So that’s about it once again, and I hope that you can enjoy your lives every bit as much if not more after reading this than you did before.

HADOUKEN!!

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Things That Should Exist: Bins that aren’t rubbish

Another week means another thing that should exist and this week we move onto the big topic of bins, and how improving them in certain ways could make no change in our lives whatsoever apart from the occasional moment of joy or entertainment at the expense of you putting an unwanted item in a bin.

We start with the obvious talking bin. I’ve heard that some talking bins already exist but I’m talking about a bin that powers itself either with solar power or recycling the items that the person places into the bin, such as biodegrading an apple. Yes, this is not something either productive or useful, but a bin that will pleasantly tell you a joke or give you a “fun fact” will send you merrily on your way for the rest of the day. As well as having them talk to you, they could look like some of your favourite cartoon characters such as SpongeBob SquarePants or your everyday talking dog.

Bins

As well as having bins talk to you every time you throw something away, another pretty pointless feature that could be adapted to bins is the option to spray the user in the face with some sort of water or energy drink. That way, every time you recycle or help the environment by throwing something away, you get a lovely refreshing spray of nice cold water to drink or wash your face with.

Lucozade Revive

And think of the advertising potential!

To be honest, that is all I can think of for the huge amounts of fun you can have with bins, but if any of you people can think of anything else, let myself or someone important know.

Kapow.

Things That Should Exist: Multi-bottle-bottles

Have you ever felt that you need a drink when you’re out and about? I have and that’s a fact. But have you ever had the feeling that after having a drink of coke or lemonade, that you want another different tasting drink, but you don’t want to pack more than one bottle as it will weigh too much?

Well fear no more you drink-whores! Presenting the Multi-bottle-bottle!

The Multi-bottle-bottle is a new type of bottle that is going to blow your mind with its four separate containers that can swivel around a fixed tube running up the spine. Each container has a separate straw/lid and allows you to finally have a range of different drinks all in one container. Each one can be personalised with labels and stickers and whatever the fish you want!

Here is a crappy little diagram of what it is supposed to do and the general idea but you can imagine what it would actually look like. You can say all you want but I am am proud of myself to have achieved something like this on Paint.

This is an idea I had not too long ago but, when I hatched it, I realised that this would be fantastic. Imagine having 4 different drinks in one bottle so that you can mix and match at your desire. Have you ever thought seriously about how boring it is to just one bottle with the same boring drink in it? Of course you haven’t, but you should. Only then can you finally realise how essential this product is to maintain something fresh to your taste buds and to keep you satisfied with the solution you are putting into your body.

You don’t even have to have four different drinks in it. If you wanted, you could use it solely for water, although that sort of defeats the point of the Multi-bottle-bottle and you could instead have a regular bottle. However, I will not say that this is a completely pointless idea, because it is so simple, yet so brilliant and you should all travel out to wherever your local shop is and demand a new Multi-bottle-bottle. Also, feel free to talk about how amazing this would be in public.