by Eddie King

Birdwatching: Fus Ro Damn I’m bored

Birdwatching is a column by Eddie King. Views expressed are not necessarily those of Digixav.

I didn’t manage to impale a sharp projectile into my patella but regardless I have managed to lose my sense of humour over Digixav’s favourite game of 2011, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. Yes, the small red flying feathered ball in the sky is going to be taking the big, scaly, fire breathing monster that is Skyrim. It was one of the most highly anticipated games since the release of Oblivion back in 2005 and when it arrived at school on a November morning even the quietest and most reasonable students became national standard rugby players and managed to barge past most of the school to play it. I did observe and despair, and this is why.

A game should stimulate you mentally. It should make you think and feel and it should be an experience. Skyrim is just a way to waste time. The mechanics of the game are repetitive and there are enough side missions to get lost in. Replay value? I think not because the chances are you will never finish the entire game before your mind is reduced to a whimpering mass at the back of your cranium. You play as a violent oaf who can somehow swing some stupidly large piece of some unknown element at some impossibly alive bag of walking bones which can absorb more damage than a Nokia. I guess what I am so angry about is that it claimed to be so good; it claimed to be a vast, open world to lose yourself in. Well yes, I certainly did lose myself in it, the problem being that I didn’t manage to find a way out. The story is just too big and there needs to be an end. An infinite story should not be allowed. I want to be able to enjoy understanding the various intricacies and twists instead of having huge amounts of nonsensical myths and obscure cults that everybody I meet seems to want me to join dropped into my lap and let me wonder what the hell I am supposed to do with it all. This is prominent when you get into the game and you check your mission catalogue, only to find about three pages worth of objectives that you have no intention of completing. Then when finally you do get round to starting AND finishing a quest the formula is the same every single time. Namely go here and talk to this person, pick up another two quests, go there and enter a mildly scary looking cave, wait at loading screen for too long, go inside and navigate a complex array of tunnels, encounter a few enemies which you can get rid of by button bashing which results in the same three moves until they die and finally collect your reward which is the ability to talk to some stars which help you in some practical way. Because stars now control how good we are at stuff, don’t you know.

The game lies to you, and after a few hours you have seen everything you are ever going to see. The combat systems are overly simplistic and movements are very slow. Now at this point those of you who are still reading and haven’t taken offence will note that I admit that Skyrim isn’t all bad as the graphics are insane and certain parts of the story are pretty epic. It is also a very good addition to the Elder Scrolls series and the people who have grown used to this style of game will have no qualms where I was tearing my hair out. Also, despite me claiming that it is a mindless game, some of the puzzles are quite challenging but the end is always inevitable. The slow and unrealistic fighting and repetitiveness of the gameplay unfortunately mean that this game becomes boring by the time you are in desperate need of a pee in front of laptop. Skyrim is a good game but is let down by being hyped up far too much and it isn’t the completely free universe it claims to be.

36 Comments

    1. Haha i had that problem to but then i found out that you had to give all your stuff to that guy and then its in a chest when you get their.

    2. You were supposed to give all your armour and stuff to the other guy then it is in the chest waiting for you. Also i managed (after AGES) to complete the mission, just use magic and persevere.

  2. TLDR but I am bored with Skyrim if I’m honest. The gameplay is too linear. and once you can kill a dragon in like three hits it all becomes a bit meaningless.

      1. OK, well I’ve read it now, and I completely agree with you. There is too much and at the same time too little to do. Having completed all the main quests I have decided to troll my way to having completed all of the achievements and then just play Far Cry and assassins
        creed for the rest of my life.

                  1. You are speaking to the person that completed AC:Revalations storyline and prestiged online within two days of it being released.

        1. With one hit from a one handed weapon I cause 200 damage, i have two of them. I play on hardest, trust me.

          1. try starting a new game and play it differently this time, its fun. Also don’t take it seriously at all this time, it produces much lol.

  3. I was starting to almost think about pondering about mentioning the fact that i almost agree with you and then i remembered: U HAVE NEVER PLAYED IT AND YOUR CRAP AT GAMING 🙂

  6. Whats the point of a comment section if you can just edit and delete the comments which don’t like your articles? Sad.

  7. What is the point of a comment section if you can delete or edit the comments which do not praise your article (which is what you are doing)?

    1. The point is to write your own thoughts and not spam or troll, I have often left posts that are not in favor of my articles before but the thing is I generally write good stuff so it isn’t a recurring problem. Until your friend back stabs you because he has inferiority issues.

  8. If you don’t want me to be ‘ABUSIVE’ then don’t provoke me, delete my opinions, or write stupid points that bring up controversy. comprende?

  9. if you don’t want me to write ‘abuse’ then don’t provoke me, delete my entitled opinion, and don’t write and argument provoking article about a game which you have no first hand experience in. comprende?

    1. If you have a valid argument then I will leave it but if you don’t have mental capacity for anything other than stupid childish remarks then i will delete them. Creating 5 profiles one of which is called edmond is penis face is not my definition of a valid argument

      1. ahh, you speak the truth but thats not what trolling is, its just more comical than basically writing a whole article against your points. if you want me to write an article like that ask.

        1. Done and done, just look at mine and Xavier’s articles comments on Kieran’s Why I love blackberry post.

  12. ok, i have just reviewed all the comments posted and i have been a bit harsh. I think that Edmonds argument was flawed and i disagree and thats that so delete all the troll and spam and we can have a mature debate about the epic RPG.

Comments are closed.