Technophobia: Stop changing Facebook!

Technophobia is a column by James Hardy. Views expressed are not necessarily those of Digixav.

So now, apparently, we have to make a timeline of our lives on Facebook. Well no, Mark Zuckerberg, contrary to your belief, most people that use Facebook don’t spend their whole lives on it. Yes, there may be a select few that do in fact have Facebook as their home page, and spend ten hours each day constantly refreshing their news feed waiting for one of their nine hundred friends to write some bullshit about their ex.

Which brings me onto another point: Facebook statuses. Only post statuses which most of your friends will be able to understand. These are genuine examples from some of my Facebook friends.

OMG that was actually soo funny hahahahaha
Why waste your breath apologising? #Idiot.
You couldn’t trust him but you never said no.
Fucking twat. Why would u do that?
Ur 2 good 4 him hun. Dont take his shit.

Really? Maybe to two or three of your friends these will make perfect sense. Who knows, you could be a comical genius. But 95% of your friends will have no clue as to what is going on. Don’t bother. Save your breath.
Don’t get arthritis. Just text the friends that will understand!

This leads (sort of) on to my next point. Facebook ‘friends’. I think I have added perhaps a dozen people on Facebook. Everyone else has added me. Because to be honest, I can’t be arsed. I don’t use facebook all that much, at least not compared to some. I have 200 friends. This is a tiny amount compared to most of my friends. I kid you not, the person who wrote the first status above has over 1000 friends. One thousand friends! That is quite frankly, ridiculous. Nobody knows a thousand proper friends. It is just a lie. If I meet someone while on holiday in Mongolia for a few minutes, and add them on Facebook, they are not my friend. Life doesn’t work like that! Having thousands of Facebook friends doesn’t necessarily make you popular.

In that respect, I like Google+. They have circles set up for acquaintances, friends and family. And really, most of your facebook friends would should go in acquaintances. You could have 1000 acquaintances. You don’t have 1000 friends.

Note: That was sort of bullshit. I don’t even use Google+. I just know they have acquaintances.

Anyhoo, back to the main point. I have looked at someone’s profile with the timeline thing. It is confusing! As human beings, we do not like change. That is a fact. So if, Mark Zuckerberg, you change Facebook every month, people are going to be pissed off. Stop doing it!

And finally, to people who aren’t on Facebook. I don’t think that you are some strange, messed up people. I salute you. You are the black sheep. You have resisted Mark Zuckerberg’s attempts to get the whole world on Facebook.

Unlike the rest of us. The Zuckerzombies.

Don’t forget to like us on Facebook!

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