No matter how hard I try, I can’t stop hating Microsoft

The title of this article is a little misleading, as those of you who read my posts, follow me on Twitter or know me in person will know that I love Microsoft. Windows Phone is my phone platform of choice, I would never consider using anything but a Windows computer, and the thing that I want most in the world right now is a 15.6″ one of these. But even with all the love I bear for the love-child of Ballmer and Gates, there are a large number of things about them which annoy me.

The first and foremost of these annoyances is with Zune. As a Windows Phone user, I am forced to use Zune in order to update, add music and video to and do a large number of other things to, my phone. This is fine, I can add and take away music to and from my phone quickly and easily, and updates will automatically commence if they are available. But when I got my HP Pavilion dv7 with Beats Audio, I began to play music through my laptop, whereas previously I had been using speakers connected to my phone. It soon dawned upon me that Zune, a beautiful piece of software, is one of the buggiest pieces of crap since Windows Media Player. Quite often while playing music, the song will randomly pause, move to a different point or just skip altogether, and on occasion I have closed Zune to find that the song that was playing doesn’t stop playing, much to my teacher’s dismay. When this is Skrillex, chemistry lessons can be quite awkward. What the hell is up with that? A company whom incorporated software into its very name can’t be bothered or is unable to iron out the bugs in their music software. Even iTunes, something which is essentially designed to work on a different operating system and much maligned on Windows, is nowhere near as buggy. This being said, with the Zune name being dumped, and the software being incorporated into the OS, I surely hope that for Windows 8’s sake that at least some of the bigger glitches will be ironed out.

And secondly, what is the point in Windows Media Player any more? The whole thing is utter crap and nobody in their right mind would ever use it. I mean seriously, software that causes computers to blue-screen (I speak through personal experience) through use is not right in any way. And if any person out there does use this utter piece of crap, please explain to me in the comments below why you would put yourself through it. Please.

My final point is the most obvious one. Internet Explorer. This is in every way the single most hated piece of software out there. It is crap, it crashes, freezes and is only there for sane people to download either Firefox or Chrome. And, to make matters worse, you have to have specific permission from Microsoft to be able to uninstall the software. Of course, you can do what both I and Xavier (our EIC) have done and bury it deep within our program files, but it will always be there, taunting you with the possibility that you may one day, have to use it.

So those are the main reasons that Microsoft pisses off even myself, a true Microsoft fanboy. Despite the wonders of things like the Arc Touch Mouse, SkyDrive and Windows Phone, Microsoft isn’t perfect, but by ironing out the bugs and listening to consumers, they could get pretty close.

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Technophobia: Why Comic Sans should be banned

Technophobia is a column by James Hardy. Views expressed are not necessarily those of Digixav.

Comic Sans MS was deplorably brought to life in 1994, and is probably the worst thing Microsoft has ever given this world – and yes, that includes Internet Explorer.

Gwargh!

Even ironically typing this article in the font in Microsoft Word made me wretch.

I think the problem I have with Comic Sans is that it is actually used. A LOT. Comic Sans should be used on invites to kids parties.

AND NOTHING ELSE.

Normal fonts – Arial, Helvetica, Ubuntu etc. – have an air of slick sophistication about them. Comic Sans just asks you to make it multi-coloured. Please no. Please, please no. There is nothing worse than a sign written in multi-coloured Comic Sans.

Some fonts annoy me. No one uses Times New Roman unless they haven’t worked out how to change the default font. And excessively fancy swirly ones like Jokerman or Curlz MT are written by annoying people. The same people who use every single fucking entrance and exit effect possible in PowerPoint presentations.

But nothing comes close to Comic Sans. It is untouchable in its title of THE WORST FUCKING FONT IN THE WORLD. Thinking about it makes my stomach turn.

And Comic Sans is used in the most inappropriate of situations. I saw a few posters recently written in the font. One was about drug use. The other was highlighting the problem of domestic violence. It has even been used on gravestones. Fail much?

And then there is this one:

I feel that behind every notice written in Comic Sans is built up anger. Behind some innocuous notice like ‘Please dispose of your cups in the bins provided!’ written in the typeface, there is someone pulsating with rage, probably thinking something along the lines of:

Why the fuck are these wankers unable to make use of the bins I have fucking put out for them‽

Yep, Comic Sans says that. With flowers on. Using Comic Sans is like coming to a funeral in a pink bikini. That’s not how the world works!

What really pisses me off are those teachers who insist on writing EVERYTHING in the font. Yes, Mr. Mulae, I’m talking about you.

As for the websites which are entirely in the typeface, they are probably the leading cause of suicides in the country. Fortunately, for Safari users, some genius has made an extension which changes all pages in Comic Sans to a font of your choice. But I can’t afford an Apple, so I’m stuck with sites like Languages Online which try to be really friendly and happy and rainbows and butterflies and IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY!

For more information on how I feel, visit bancomicsans.com and like Ban Comic Sans on Facebook.

So, next time you type something, unless it is a school fair poster, a notice on a parish church, or perhaps a souvenir beach towel from Barcelona, avoid Comic Sans at all costs.

Please, think of the kittens.

Microsoft says Internet Explorer can make a comeback like bird-based communication

We all hate Internet Explorer, and even Microsoft knows that. Their new ad campaign for IE9 has a guy who says that, before he discovered IE9, he did what we all do and uninstalled Internet Explorer after downloading another browser. He then proceeds to declare his love for IE9 and a cat policewoman. Watch the video below, and check out Microsoft’s comeback prospects in some hilarious graphs too.

The Poll: What is your favourite web browser?

If you need help with deciding what to vote for, take a look here.